mardi 5 novembre 2013

I am not what you see

I started a job recently, and so I have been having numerous interactions with all kinds of people. As a philosopher (I used to call myself a philosophist until somebody corrected me and I dictionaried the word "philosophist" and realized that philosophist means "a pretender in Philosophy"... well I am not a pretender, at least I hope.. but anwyays back to the original post).
As a philosopher, I think a lot. There is always a deeper meaning to something. There is a reason for everything we do, even if we do not know the reason. From my recently interactions, I have come to re-realize that I get different treatments from different people and I realize that people adapt their behavior to me after a short time.

When people interact with you they do not interact with the true you but with their image of you. It is your responsiblity (to an extent) to provide a bridge to compensate for that gap. It is very easy to let people dictate to you who you  should be. For example, I find it tempting sometimes to become that image that people see. When people first meet me I have come to realize that they think of me as "arrogant", "stuck up", "privileged", superficial. They do not see me as I truly am: "too cool for school." :-)
It is easy to become that image because when people start out hostile or defensive towards you, you are tempted to put your guard up. To become that image.

Eventually people let their guards down when they realize that I am not that image that they have. I put a lot of effort actually into trying to get people to let their guard down. Well, I used to put a lot of effort into it and now it is just automatic.

Some of the things I do include:
I try to reach out, try to be the first person to say hello
Let them talk as much as they want and I listen. 100%
Not talking about myself. Deflecting questions and making it about them
If I talk about myself, I talk about my losses, almost never my victories.


Before I go on I must rethink about the original purpose of this post. The original purpose was to highlight that people interact with the images they have created in their minds and not with us. It is something I need to keep reminding myself because sometimes I get annoyed or discouraged by the way human beings, especially in this part of the world, interact with me. I either let go or attempt to let myself come out.


PS: I find it interesting that sometimes when I look at myself (before or after taking a shower), it is hard to reconcile that this is my body. In my mind I am this slim cool dude but on the outside I am this guy who looks like he spends so much time in the gym. When people think of someone who spends a lot of time gyming, they automatically conclude that this person must be superficial, among other things. Just a random thought!
 

Is Respect an Idol to you, Shola?

I value respect. Sometime ago some lady asked me why I behave the way I do. I wasn't sure what she was refering to. I guessed she was refering to how i show respect and my gestures. I thought about it and mentionned that I value respect so much and that is why I try to be respectful to people.

Upon further thought and after going through some experiences, I have come to realize that it is possible that I do value respect too much. Too much to the extent of making it an Idol. I place too much emphasis on gestures, respect. I have become too sensitive to them.

Maybe it's a good thing; maybe it's a bad thing. I'm not sure... but I need balance.

 

dimanche 29 septembre 2013

My Trip To Visit PARIS

So when I returned back to Paris to visit, I had been very excited that I was going back to a city that took my heart. 

A famous person once said that there is nothing better than living in Paris during your early twenty's.

Well I was very excited going back to visit and once I landed, I started blogging about it. I was kinda disappointed but.. here it goes... What I journaled while in Paris with the mindset of THINGS I MISS and THINGS I DO NOT MISS. 

--------------
Paris just arrived through Luftansa. I should try not to do a layover this long EVER AGAIN.
I arrived to Paris in a bad mood. So I started my trip somewhat negatively.

In the train now to Paris. I don't miss the Magreb French, loudness, behavior.

I don't miss the ugly and old cars and roads, especially in the suburbs.

I don't really miss the French facial expressions.

I don't miss seeing so many bummish black people

I don't miss the suburbs and the old houses. The graffiti everywhere

I don't miss the scarcity of housing.

I don't miss the dirt. Rushing. Rowdiness.

I don't miss the bread/baguette

I don't miss the small portions for food


Maybe tomorrow I'll wake up with a positive outlook of Paree

One thing I did notice was better systems: People are improving their methods, lives.. for example there was a busker who dropped info cards and then started playing. Usually it was not like this. It used to be one or the other. You either "begged" for money or entertained and asked people to give you money. This guy combined both

What I did/do miss was:
My friendship with Tobias. Tobias has become like a brother to me.
A daily life without drama from family members
Going out, salsa dancing, partaying!! with Tobias
Going out to eat in restaurants with pals
Wine
Cheese
ACP and its members
Seeing and appreciating all types and races of single ladeys.
Riding the velib around Paris


hmmmmm

Overall i think the essence of Paris is best felt with PEOPLE. People...

vendredi 13 septembre 2013

Authentic Pride

This post is controversial. As a matter of fact I am not sure what my original purpose is in writing this post. But I still feel a need to express this thought

I have met all sorts of people in my life. This post is about the different kinds of proud people I have met. 
I have met people who were proud because of their wealth, "do you know who I am? Do you know how much I make a month? Do you know how much is in my bank account?"
I have met people who were proud because of who their parents were, "do you know who I am? Do you know who my father is??"
I have met people who were proud because of their past accomplishments, "Do you know who I am? Do you know what I have accomplished?"
The list goes on
proud because of power
proud became of fame
proud because of ....

These are all people who in a moment of conflict would not take crap from anyone just because of what they "have"...

I have also met people who had nothing, no accomplishments, no money in their bank accounts, nothing really that they could look upon and say THIS IS ENOUGH REASON FOR ME TO BE PROUD. But I have met some of these people that are still proud. Even though they have "nothing" to them they are SOMETHING and they will not take your crap. 

In a way I admire these kinds of people. I shouldn't... because none of these prides are good or godly. But there is something admirable about this kind of pride, a pride that defines itself above things we value so much and places the sole value of pride on an individual, nothing else.

Authenticity 100% 

dimanche 8 septembre 2013

Get things right

I need to get things right.
I have been trying for the past 6 years to get things right.
I do not know what exactly is wrong with me.
I looked at my prayer book that I have had for the past 3 years and I noticed that my prayers have been the same. "Lord, help me to be more disciplined", "Lord remove laziness from my life", "Lord, give me courage"
I know I have been trying for the past 5 to 6 years to instill the right habits/rituals into my life.
At this point I feel like if I do not change I might never change. I need to change NOW. I need SUCCESS. And I define success on a daily basis. Doing what I am supposed to do.
I must start to convince myself that EVERYDAY COUNTS.
I must tell myself every morning that if I do not get things right now I might never get them right.
I must restrict myself to no more than 1 bad decision per week (I like how that sounds)
I want to become a robot in some ways in my life.
I need to make decisions.
I need to GO!!!!!!!!!!


The List....

Daily
-Wake up at 6am
-Relook at goals
-Meaningful/Deep Communion with God
-Physical Exercise
-Business Research
-Newspapers (WSJ, Businessday)
-Be off the computer by 10pm

Weekly (once a week)
Fast every Sunday
Weekly Planning
Catching up with folks
Look through my Favorites webpages + URL list
Alternate eating bread every week
Review all Blackberry notes and iPod notes
Do Squats
Do Deadlifts
Do Shrugs (all weightlifting exercises)
Listen to Freakonomics podcast
Listen to a French podcast
Look on James Altucher's blog (www.jamesaltucher.com)
Write a blog post
Work on your scripts
RESET (Look at your notes)

Monthly
Review all plans
Take a day out to be still and reanalyse how the month went/ reassess everything
Backup PC
Check Bank Accounts/ Finances
Fast every first day of the month
Pay Loans

Sundays
Look at past 5 pages of Gmail account

Mondays
Business research
Projects folder
Bucket List

Tuesdays
How do I make a million in the stock market or in business before the age of 30?

Thursdays
Make Calls to catch up with people

Fridays
Stock market
Business

Saturdays
Play basketball
Be still / Reset

lundi 12 août 2013

Perspection

Just created a new word:
perspective and perception: perspection LOL.

Anyways, back to my point for today:
I used to say/believe that people do not change (for the better). Well, I have to upgrade that perspective... because believing that would make me a pessimist. 

I have to say that I do believe that people can and do change. How did this change come upon me? I do not know... 
I honestly don't...

//
Thank you for the new perspective...

samedi 10 août 2013

We all need something... / 100%

Something to give our whole lives to.
We need something that we can give 22 hours of our 24 daily hours to. 
I need that thing in my life too.
To be honest I still need direction on where to direct my efforts, passions, sweat, emotion etc.
There are too many options and in this world that can be a formula for catastrophe. I am not getting any younger and I need to COMMIT 100% to a path.
100%.

mardi 30 juillet 2013

Turn it OFF

There is a time and a place for everything. 
There is a time to let go completely of criticism, prejudice, envy, jealousy. Regardless of how messed up we are we need to be able to get to the place where we can turn OFF the switch. Make yourself a robot. Yes, you are human but you are also a robot.
When someone is telling you about their accomplishments and about how their life has improved, don't just put up a facade of being happy for them while deep down you feel insecure or envious. Drop off all your emotions and baggage and actually be happy for that person. Forget about yourself COMPLETELY and delve into their happiness.  

The world is bigger than you. You are a tree in a story about a forest. Everyone is a tree... stay in touch with the best ideals....

How does it feel?!

Too many options

Too many options
6 days before I turn 25. The bar is getting higher and stakes are getting higher. I have been reading my bible and saw in Proverbs 23:4 a direct rebuke to me. Something about pursuing wealth being frivolous/evil. I used to think that by age 25 I would be totally financial independent, would have started my own business and would be on the way to becoming a multi-millionaire.. well, I just recently had to defer my student loans because I could not keep up with them. I am a man of many ideas... maybe too many. I need to adjust. 100%

But in a way I do not feel bad. I know the past few years of my life haven't been wasted. I might have made financial sacrifices by going to live in Paris and in Nigeria for certain periods of time but I am confident that everything I have gained has more value than the financial tradeoffs. I have a proud past and a bright future.

Sometimes I think about my counterparts... the youth of today. I am really sad for the youth. Even if me and all the people close to me get jobs/start businesses and end up very happy, a lot of people will still remain jobless. The problem is REAL. I really want to do my part to help this generation. 

Blessings

Perfection + Random rantings

Perfection
I think I am close to perfection.
Well, I used to think I was close to perfection. I still do... sometimes.
There are some times though that I think I am (might be completely) flawed ... I look around the world and ask myself sometimes maybe I am the one who is confused/lost... I don't know. 

100%
When making decisions no matter how small I have started this technique of analyzing on how this could possibly be the worst or best decision I ever make. For example, I going to the supermarket to buy some bread - anything could happen to make this either the best or worst decision of my entire life. I try to appreciate the moment by saying to myself, anything can happen, your life can change in one moment for better or for worse. All I can do is live in the moment and appreciate it.... 100%

Inexplicable
I find myself either doing things or not doing things and not being able to explain them but knowing that it is right for me. For example, every time I meet somebody I shake their hands and lean forward because my brain tells me it shows respect. I wouldn't have been able to articulate this if I hadn't read it somewhere about leaning forward being a universally acceptable way of deferring/showing respect for the other person. Beautiful.



samedi 20 juillet 2013

I am. You are.

I am an artist. You are an artist.
I am a farmer. You are a farmer.
I am a politician. You are a politician.

Yes, we are all all of the above and more. You are an artist because you have the ability to create, -- just the fact that you can imagine makes you an artist.
You are a farmer because you sow everyday, every minute, every second... you might not know you are sowing.. but you are and you will reap whatever you sow.
We are both politicians because we are always influencing  people (or trying to), always putting on masks and looking on how to protect our images. We are politicians because we are either still learning how to be 100% real or just unfortunately caught up in the status quo...

There's a new dance craze, its called The Politician... Its 2 steps forward, 1 step back and 1 step sideways...



unlearn the wrong things....

samedi 13 juillet 2013

Think before you act, Do not Complicate Your LIfe.

Think before you act, don’t complicate your life.
I got some coca cola from someone. It was hot. I got home and put it in the freezer thinking to myself “I will come back and get it in the next 30 minutes or so”… The next day I went to the freezer and… the can had exploded and the content had scattered all over the fridge. 

Darnit...

It took me more than 30 minutes to completely clean the affected segment of the freezer and while cleaning it I thought to myself... “if I had just spent 10 seconds to think before performing that action (putting it in the freezer), I would not be in the situation”.

My lack of thinking and lack of knowing myself caused me to lose 30 minutes that I could use for something else. Notice here that I am not complaining about the coke that I lost but about the tradeoff loss made to me through laziness.

Think before you act… do not complicate your life.


dimanche 28 avril 2013

Trust and breaking promises

Trust. I have maybe 3 people I know I can trust with my secrets/ my life. 3 human beings.
I consider myself a trustworthy person. I mean, really trustworthy. My self esteem actually depends on the fact that I am fully trustworthy. I want to say I am excellent in trustworthiness.
Yet, they say excellence is best seen in a crisis. Well... I have never been in a situation where I have been tortured to give out secret information, so in search of humility maybe I am not that trustworthy. I hope I never go through that situation because I have a threshold for pain!!!

But based on normal circumstances, I am very trustworthy. I have kept secrets that people have told me and never divulged this information, even though I have been tempted a number of times.

There are very few people like me. I don't know why.

I have been in situations where I have been tempted to divulge secrets because I thought "maybe this person is trustworthy" but my thought process involved "what if this person is like you...?", this person will go ahead and tell the next person "hoping that this person is trustworthy"

it only takes ONE person. it only takes ONE slip.

To you I give my pledge, to honor all that's good in this life we are living.

yes, I pledge to honor you and your secrets.
But I am hesitant about trusting you, so I will just keep it all to myself.
inconsistent? one sided? Yes...
You will have to prove yourself. Yes... prove yourself trustworthy!

jeudi 28 mars 2013

End of 1st Quarter, 2013

3 Quarters left.
Analyse what you have done for the first 3 months of this year, Shola...
hmmm....
Darn it. Still behind schedule.

It is well.....

Isit???




No Retreat......

No Surrender.......



God, how are You???

We are too focused on ourselves. Goodness. When you talk to God, what do you talk to him about?
Most of the time it is about us, regardless of the style of prayer, whether we are praising God or adoring him etc, it is really about us, because like the next section of our prayer shows us, for example the ACTS style of praying.

A-Adoration, C-Confessions, T- Thanksgiving, S- Supplication

Out of 4 steps of prayer, at least 50% are about you, while the other 50% are you trying to set yourself up to deliver on the first 50%...


I thought about a new exercise, so the next time you want to talk to God, I want you to try this.

sit down. breathe in and out 3 times and ask God...

God, How are You?
God, I know every time I come into your presence it is always about me, me, me. But God I want You to know that I do care about who You are too and how You feel, so my question to You today is, LORD, HOW ARE YOU?

And then just spend 5 to 10 minutes listening to what He says to you. Listen well to what you hear... write it down.

Do not take this for granted, try it. Even if just once... 

I. Am. Responsible.

It is my responsiblity to protect everybody else.
I used to think in dimensions before. I used to believe that everybody was responsible for thier actions and so on and so forth. I have gotten to a place where I am making myself responsible for everything that is going on in the world: global warming, crime,etc.
Like my pastor said some time ago: you and I are what is wrong with the world.
so basically this is two fold. I accept responsibility that the best way to change the world is to change myself. I also understand that I must protect others in everyway I can.

This has changed my life. 

I love going to church (stillness/ prison)

We move too fast nowadays. I know I move too fast. A lot of times I avoid doing the necessary things I need to do in the morning (on a daily basis) because I feel already pressed to just get on with it. This is very bad, because I end up being less effective throughout the whole day.

This is one reason why I love going to church.
When I go to church, I know that for 1 to 2 hours I must sit down and do nothing but either LISTEN or THINK. It feels like prison, somewhat, because there is no escape. That is 60 to 120 minutes of pure stillness... conscious stillness that our society doesn't allow us to normally get.

During this period of stillness (i.e. holy breathing time), I am forced to start the process of RESETing. I believe we must RESET about once a week in order to be able to live the life we desire to live.

What does it mean to RESET?
It means to shut down and then restart so that you can start afresh, to enable you maintain a high level of effectiveness.

Per week this is what RESETing means for me:
- Reading my prayer book, previous prayer points and looking at previous sermon notes (1hr?)
- Reading the summaries of books that I read and took notes of (1hr?)
- Reading my plans, random notes, life lessons I took over the past couple of years (1 hr)
- Taking about 15 minutes or so to be still (holy uselessness) and to listen to what God is directing me to do
- Thinking about the changes I need to make in my life and asking myself what I really want.
- Reviewing all the notes I made on my IPOD and BLACKBERRY

Once a week. Once a week. Once a week. I need to get to a level where I do this once a week, no excuses. Right now I am looking at doing this on Saturdays. I need your strength, Lord.


I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me
I can do ALL THINGS through CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS ME

lundi 11 mars 2013

Several levels of discomfort

there are 3 types of discomfort.
discomfort that is necessary and positive
discomfort that is necessary but negative
discomfort that is neither necessary nor positive

you can replace the word "discomfort" with "pain"
you need to recognize each one and work/try to avoid unnecessary discomfort

mercredi 20 février 2013

Things I want to blog about

Below are some topics I will like to blog about in the following weeks/months

- Is having children one of the best ways to change the world? (positively)
- What is the truth about stereotypes?
- I've been able to thnk to find out the roots of all my problems
- Time can be a magnifier of pain
- Pain can help us to be more humble, can give us balance
- We are all farmers (what you sow is what you reap)
- I love going to church (stillness/ prison)
- I don't like going to church
- It takes skill to be real
- Don't ever change, keep your essence
- Motivation- everyday. whatever you can use/ positive or negative, GET MOTIVATED
- I came back to coffee. It's been 3 years since I quit
- I'm a diplomat... but i need to let people know my values asap
- What do you think of babies that avoid total eye contact?
- 2 poor men analogy: one wish...
- The world does function on trust
- Why move? Why achieve? the world is coming to an end
- The difference is not choice... the difference is courage
- We are all responsible for the world
- How do I find pleasure in the little things?
- I made eye contact with Janet Jackson in Paris
- Different sources of motivation at different points in our lives
- Make the best of your age 24
- I need good/right friends
- I have biggg nostrils, my childhood teasing and what the doctor said
- Am I a pessimist?
- God, how are you???
- I have never "fit in", either with Americans or Nigerians.

lundi 7 janvier 2013

A word is enough for the wise


I don’t know about you but I have heard this saying hundreds of times. I recently was enlightened about it and realized what this statement really means. Before I used to think it meant once you tell a wise person something, the person would never forgot it.

A word is enough for the wise. What I take from this is that once the wise person hears something important, he/she writes it down, because they know they might never get another opportunity to hear it. There are two key points here: the wise person puts it down in some form i.e. writes it. and that the person does not take opportunities for granted.

I have constantly found myself in unwanted situations or problems because I had forgotten the “words” that I was told or that I told myself. It is usually in the midst of the problem that I realize, “crap Shola, you had foreseen this” but I had not made a conscious effort to remind myself (i.e. write it down) and review it regularly...

So my word today to you is, when an important word is spoken to you, write it down because you might never get another opportunity and that one time could be your saving grace.

mardi 1 janvier 2013

Happy 2013

I didn't do all that I was supposed to do in 2012... No retreat. No surrender.

Welcome to 2013.
I don't really have anything to say today. It is the 1st of January, 2013. I just had to get on here to restart the habit of writing on this blog. I haven't written in maybe two months or so. In my mind I have to project that 2013 is already gone, so I might as well start prepping for 2014 and 2015 and so on.
I did not create any goals or plan for this year. I need to get on that. I need to reevaluate my 5 year plan.

Themes of the year
Focus on the practice
Putting God first
Getting away from the unreasonable people in our lives
Letting go of the past, successes and failures
Seek knowledge, get understanding
Courage in the face of adversity


It is well. 2013 has come and gone already. We just have to grind it out rightly. Everyday must be a challenge as we get our habits right and start redefining, recreating, refocusing our lives.

Looking foward to taking each day seriously and making the best out of everything that comes my way.