I grew up on criticism
I grew up on criticism, either from parents, family or classmates… I grew up in a tough environment when I was in school. Every little thing I did wrong I got insulted and made fun of by the rich middle eastern kids who had this token black boy in their class. I remember it all started in the first week of my arrival…. I was in class…. picking my nose and the boy beside me, I still remember it vividly. he shouted, “Oh _____ (my name)! Bougar bougar! What is this?” (imagine this in an Arabian accent)
From that day on I never picked my nose in public, he still continued to make fun of me for the next few years. For that year every time we had an argument he would make the gesture of picking his nose just to put me in my place… I guess
Things like this continued throughout my academic odyssey in that country… anytime I was doing something wrong, I was always sure to get corrected, no matter how trivial the thing was.
Looking back at all this, I honestly can say this accelerated my growth as a human being. I grew up looking for criticism because it showed me where there were holes and what I needed to work on.
Things changed when I got to America…. In America when I went to high school I don’t think I was ever criticized…. and in university everybody was just doing his or her own thing. I came to realize that sometimes you might be doing something wrong but people would never approach you to “correct” (help) you.
This can be a good or a bad thing depending on how you look at it but it is important to understand that there is a thin line between constructive criticism and criticism.
I have developed this attitude of the Americans in laissez faire because I do understand where they are coming from. It has showed me why there is a distinction between the platinum rule and the golden rule:
Golden rule: treat others as you would like to be treated
Platinum rule: treat others as they would like to be treated
I like criticism (for the most part) but I understand the need to accept others as they are, instead of trying to change them.
So I encourage and accept criticisms directed towards me but try not to let any come from me. If I can’t stand somebody I just stay away from them instead of trying to change them…
There is some liberation in expressing yourself, I have to admit that and sometimes I do fall into the trap when I feel there is no way out (there is always a way out)
But you gotta ask yourself this question:
who are you to try to think you can change someone?
