mardi 5 novembre 2013

I am not what you see

I started a job recently, and so I have been having numerous interactions with all kinds of people. As a philosopher (I used to call myself a philosophist until somebody corrected me and I dictionaried the word "philosophist" and realized that philosophist means "a pretender in Philosophy"... well I am not a pretender, at least I hope.. but anwyays back to the original post).
As a philosopher, I think a lot. There is always a deeper meaning to something. There is a reason for everything we do, even if we do not know the reason. From my recently interactions, I have come to re-realize that I get different treatments from different people and I realize that people adapt their behavior to me after a short time.

When people interact with you they do not interact with the true you but with their image of you. It is your responsiblity (to an extent) to provide a bridge to compensate for that gap. It is very easy to let people dictate to you who you  should be. For example, I find it tempting sometimes to become that image that people see. When people first meet me I have come to realize that they think of me as "arrogant", "stuck up", "privileged", superficial. They do not see me as I truly am: "too cool for school." :-)
It is easy to become that image because when people start out hostile or defensive towards you, you are tempted to put your guard up. To become that image.

Eventually people let their guards down when they realize that I am not that image that they have. I put a lot of effort actually into trying to get people to let their guard down. Well, I used to put a lot of effort into it and now it is just automatic.

Some of the things I do include:
I try to reach out, try to be the first person to say hello
Let them talk as much as they want and I listen. 100%
Not talking about myself. Deflecting questions and making it about them
If I talk about myself, I talk about my losses, almost never my victories.


Before I go on I must rethink about the original purpose of this post. The original purpose was to highlight that people interact with the images they have created in their minds and not with us. It is something I need to keep reminding myself because sometimes I get annoyed or discouraged by the way human beings, especially in this part of the world, interact with me. I either let go or attempt to let myself come out.


PS: I find it interesting that sometimes when I look at myself (before or after taking a shower), it is hard to reconcile that this is my body. In my mind I am this slim cool dude but on the outside I am this guy who looks like he spends so much time in the gym. When people think of someone who spends a lot of time gyming, they automatically conclude that this person must be superficial, among other things. Just a random thought!
 

Is Respect an Idol to you, Shola?

I value respect. Sometime ago some lady asked me why I behave the way I do. I wasn't sure what she was refering to. I guessed she was refering to how i show respect and my gestures. I thought about it and mentionned that I value respect so much and that is why I try to be respectful to people.

Upon further thought and after going through some experiences, I have come to realize that it is possible that I do value respect too much. Too much to the extent of making it an Idol. I place too much emphasis on gestures, respect. I have become too sensitive to them.

Maybe it's a good thing; maybe it's a bad thing. I'm not sure... but I need balance.